The XMas That Should Never Have Been
by Darkness on the Horizon Leader
Summary: Even Nobodies deserve a very Merry Christmas. Demyx proves this. And despite the many laughable antics that go on during the preparations, even the Organization will enjoy their Holiday season.
1. Christmas? Is He Serious?

"WHAT?"

It was a Sunday in the Castle That Never Was, and the collective shout of outrage from the assembled Nobodies had rocked the Round Room.

Demyx waited for the anger to die down, before continuing. He was smiling in a very idiotic way—as was usual.

"Yep! Christmas! We have got to have one this year!" he said.

Xemnas was staring at his insubordinate in shock. Xigbar fixed him with a frozen look of surprise. The others...just glared at him.

"Demyx, we cannot just randomly go out and have a Christmas. We don't do Christmas here." Xemnas said, getting over himself enough to speak.

"Yes we can! Come on, Xemmy! Let's have a Christmas! It'll be fun—Trees, presents, candy, Santa Claus, mistletoe, Santa Claus, cookies, Santa Claus. Oh, did I mention Santa Claus? Let's have a Christmas!" Demyx was so excited he was babbling.

"That sounds disgusting, IX!" Vexen exclaimed, "Humans may celebrate that idiotic holiday but not us."

"Awww why not?" Demyx whined.

"Dem, we can't have a Christmas because..." Xigbar trailed off. Demyx was starting to tear up.

Xemnas sighed. If Demyx started crying now, no one would hear the end of it for months.

"Fine, Demyx. We'll have a stupid Christmas this year." he said, relenting.

"YEAAAAAAAY!" Demyx's shout of joy could be heard all the way up to the Altar of Naught.

"On one condition!" Xemnas yelled.

Demyx looked at him mid-scream.

"You shut up about it until late November of next year." Xemnas said.

"Deal!" Demyx said happily.

"I cannot believe this. Superior, are you insane?" Saix asked.

"I'm not buying Vex a gift, if that's what you want." Axel said. He and Vexen hated each other.

"I'm not buying you one, either, VIII." Vexen snarled.

"I love Christmas time! Drinks all around!" Luxord cheered, "Get the rum! Get the beer! Get the—"

"SHUT UP!" Larxene screamed, "GOOD GOD MAKE HIM SHUT UP!"

"Um...how do you do this Christmas thing?" Roxas asked.

The Organization turned to look at him.

"What?" the blonde teen asked defensively.

"Oh yeah. You don't remember anything about Christmas, do you, Rox?" Axel asked him.

"No. I don't even know what Christmas is, to be honest. It kinda sounds like an illness." Roxas admitted.

Vexen actually burst out laughing.

"Christmas isn't an illness, Roxy!" Demyx said, "Christmas is the best time of the year! We give presents to each other, drink hot cocoa, sing carols, hang decorations, kiss under the mistletoe..."

Roxas recoiled at this last statement.

"WHAT? NO WAY, MAN! NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN!" he screamed.

Demyx blushed as the Organization burst into laughter. All except Axel. He stared at Roxas in a hurt way.

"Roxy-chan, you've been cheating on me?" he asked.

"N-No, Ax! No! I swear!" Roxas cried.

"...seriously, who let them into this Organization?" Zexion asked, staring at the dramatic soap opera going on before him.

"Zexy, shut up. We all heard you and Xaldin the other—" Xaldin had shot a lance at Roxas, and it dug itself deep into his chair, just an inch above his head. He remained stunned as two little pieces of hair fluttered down to rest on his shoulders.

"..That was my hair." he whimpered.

Xemnas brought the meeting back to the main issue. This retarded Christmas thing.

"We'll have a Christmas this year. Marluxia, grow a tree. Xigbar, Roxas, and Zexion go get some decorations. Axel, Lexaeus, and Xaldin, go fix up the old fireplace. Vexen, make it snow, Larxene you'll start up the lights when they get here. Demyx, go do whatever it is you do. Presents or something, hang the mistletoe (but make it scarce!). And Saix...god I don't know, help out. I need some aspirin." he said.

The Organization set about to do their allotted tasks. Xemnas watched them all disappear before sighing.

"What kind of Hell did I just assign myself to?"


	2. What's Bill Nye Doing In A WalMart?

Marluxia was having a time of it out in his garden.

"'Grow a tree' he says. Trees don't grow overnight, _Superior!_" he grumbled to himself.

"DEMYX GET DOWN HERE." he shouted up to the Castle. Demyx was there in a puff of smoke. He was still smiling like an idiot.

"What up, Marly?" he asked him.

"Spray some water onto this tree." Marluxia told him. Demyx obliged, shooting some water onto the pitiful sprout of a tree Marluxia was trying to grow into a Christmas tree.

"Good. Now get out." the gardener growled, opening a portal and shoving Demyx through.

"Merry Almost-Christmas!" Demyx called as he poofed away to somewhere.

"...I've got to remember to grow out the rhododendron and deadly nightshade. They would make fantastic things to put into his cocoa..." Marluxia murmured.

* * *

><p><strong>At a random Wal-Mart in Twilight Town...<strong>

"I_ told_ you! Red and green lights, not red and blue!" Zexion said exasperatedly. He was standing to the side of the Home and Garden section, watching his shopping companions as they tangled themselves up in red and blue lights.

"What's the difference?" Axel asked bad-temperedly.

"Red and blue tend to denote the Fourth of July...or when you and Vexen have your little 'issues' and Roxas is there. Red and green are a traditional color combination for Christmas." Zexion replied.

Axel was so ticked off he grabbed one of the wires and started heating it up.

"Ax! Careful! You might shock me!" Xigbar said, struggling to disentangle himself.

Too late. A blinding bolt of light popped out of the burned lights as they blew out in turn. Poor Zexion got the full blast of it, Axel's arm had been covering his eyes, and Xigbar had his sleeve and his eyepatch to thank for not going blind.

The lights died and they had to pay nearly 1,000 munny to make up for all the damage they had caused.

Zexion was still disorientated.

"Zex? You okay?" Xigbar asked as they walked off. Zexion kept bumping in to random shelves and people, and had to be guided by Xigbar and Axel.

"Of course I am, II." Zexion said, looking clear in the other direction. Xigbar turned his head to him.

"You sure?" Xigbar asked.

"Of course! And Xigbar...you had better not be playing a trick on me. I swear there are five of you." Zexion growled.

"You need your eyes checked!" a random guy in a pharmacist's coat walked up. He took Zexion by the arm and dragged him away to the eyeglass store.

"What? Who are you? Let me go this instant!" Zexion was screaming bloody murder at a little kid holding a teddy bear. She dropped the bear and ran off, sobbing.

When Zexion and the pharmacist had gone, Axel turned a questioning glance on Xigbar.

"Was that Bill Nye the Science Guy?" he asked.

"Yep. I don't get it either. Do you think the writer's getting tired?" Xigbar questioned.

"YES!" the writer screamed in a spooky voice-over from nowhere.

"Geez. Azario needs to chillax." Axel smiled.

"So, uh...what are we looking for?" Xigbar asked him.

"Red and _green _lights." Axel replied.

"Okay. Just don't touch them, pyro." Xigbar groaned, "My eyepatch still hurts."

"How can you hurt in your eyepatch?" Axel demanded.

"I—I—I don't know! Blame Azariosiza!" Xigbar shouted.

* * *

><p><strong>And back to the Castle. (I know it jumps around a lot. So sue me. c)<strong>

"Roxas, why did you stay here instead of going with Xigbar and Zexion?" Xaldin asked him.

"Axel said he'd rather go shopping with Zex and Xig, and I said I'd rather stay at home. Besides, Ax would probably just burn everything to the ground before you even got started." Roxas shrugged.

"True. Here, hold this." Xaldin replied, giving Roxas a feather duster. "Dust off the mantle. Lexaeus and I have to go hew some new rocks, this old fireplace really needs to be fixed."

Roxas set about dusting off the mantle as instructed, looking around when he heard caroling.

"Jingle Bells, Superior smells, Vexen laid an egg! The Nymph's old car got caught in tar and now she needs a riiiiiii-IIIIIDE!" It was Demyx.

"WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAR?" Larxene was ten floors down, how could her voice reach all the way up here? And...how did Demyx's voice reach all the way down there?

"Demyx, whatcha doing?" Roxas asked his friend.

"Singing Christmas carols. Know any?" Demyx asked.

"Um...no?" Roxas replied.

"Well here, I know a great original one! It really fits us!" Demyx smiled.

"What's it called?" the dusting teen inquired.

"The 13 Days of Christmas!"

"NOOOOOOO!" the collective scream of despair—from all the Nobodies in the castle—nearly deafened poor Roxas.

"This should be good.." he muttered as Demyx pulled out his sitar and started playing.


	3. The 13 Days of Christmas Song

"On the first day of Christmas, Xemnas gave to me. A glowstick in a derpy tree!" Demyx sang.

Xemnas, who was up in his study, cursed the installment of the Security System With No Mute Button. Demyx's raucous singing was blasting right into his ears.

"I NEVER GOT YOU ANYTHING!" he screamed at the monitor.

* * *

><p>"On the second day of Christmas, Xigbar gave to me. Two purple guns and a glowstick in a derpy tree." Roxas pitched in. He was fast learning the song.<p>

Xigbar, who had come back from shopping, heard the line and muttered to himself.

"If I gave you a gun, I'd shoot you with it first, just to make sure it didn't have safety!"

* * *

><p>Xaldin was dreading his line.<p>

"On the third day of Christmas, Xaldin gave to me: Three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!"

"I DON'T BAKE!" Xaldin shrieked.

* * *

><p>Roxas' turn!<p>

"On the fourth day of Christmas, Vexen gave to me: Four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!"

"I DON'T MAKE TEA!" the flustered scientist was actually walking past the room when the line was sung.

* * *

><p>"On the fifth day of Christmas, Lexy gave to me: Five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Demyx screamed.<p>

Lexaeus, who was dragging his hewn rocks up to the fireplace, didn't respond verbally...but...

_If I gave you five bear hugs you wouldn't be alive to drink your tea._

* * *

><p>"On the sixth day of Christmas, Zexy gave to me: Six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Roxas belted out the next line, smiling as Zexion appeared. Wearing <em>actual <em>nerdy glasses while he recovered from the flash.

"DAMN YOU, ROXAS!" the youth shouted at a couch. Poor couch. It never did anything wrong.

* * *

><p>"On the seventh day of Christmas, Saix gave to me: Seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" (Yeah, I think you get the pattern here. Demyx sang that part."<p>

"WHAT? I AM NOT A DOG!" Saix's indignant screech was heard as he ran up the stairs, into the room, and proceeded to chase Demyx around and around.

* * *

><p>"On the eighth day of Christmas, Axel gave to me: Eight Christmas kisses, seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Roxas, who had just caught sight of Axel, swiftly changed the line from "Eight pizza pies" to something more with his...preference.<p>

"Sure thing, Roxy!" Axel exclaimed, striding over.

"**Hi! It's Azariosiza again! Sorry but I have to bold over this part, because I don't generally write yaoi, however I WILL mention it every now and again!"**

"**Ahem...okay they stopped. Geez, that took a while. Eight kisses in fifteen minutes? Sorry, I'm rambling, carry on, Demyx, what did you get yourself for Christmas? Wait, I should know that; I'm controlling you. MUA HA HA HA D!"**

* * *

><p>"On the ninth day of Christmas, I gave to me: Nine sitar picks, eight Christmas kisses, seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Demyx sang out.<p>

Everyone in the room groaned. Only four more lines of torture to endure.

**Unless I say otherwise. :3**

* * *

><p><strong>A Few Minutes Later...<strong>

Roxas put his cell phone down.

"Okay, Azariosiza'll be alright, she's just knocked out for this part. Because of the collective attacks of dark magic, space, wind, ice, earth, illusions, moon...something, fire, time-stopping, rose thorns, and lightning, we're supposed to ad-lib for this scene." he said.

"Great. What are we supposed to do?" Xemnas grumbled. He had pulled out his script and was scanning the footnotes for help when the Typist Was Knocked Out By The Actors.

Roxas smiled. Then sang. Again.

"On the tenth day of Christmas, Luxord gave to me: Ten bottles of non-alcoholic cider, nine sitar picks, eight Christmas kisses, seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!"

"There's no fun in that! Bring out the rum!" Luxord exclaimed.

He was interrupted by a ring from Roxas' cell phone.

"Hello? Oh, she is? Great!" Roxas looked up.

"Azariosiza's okay, but she told us not to attack her anymore or she's docking our pay." he told them. He paused for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face, then added, "We really should watch it. We don't have a lot of funds here."

"Fine, no more shooting the writer." Saix growled unhappily.

"Is this even still a Christmas thing?" Xigbar wanted to know.

"I dunno." was the common response.

* * *

><p>"On the eleventh day of Christmas, Marluxia gave to me: Eleven red roses, ten bottles of non-alcoholic cider, nine sitar picks, eight Christmas kisses, seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Some of the members who had met up in the room had actually relented and were singing along with the insufferable Demyx and Roxas. Just to shut them up.<p>

"When this is over, I'm killing you." Marluxia hissed to them.

* * *

><p>"On the twelfth day of Christmas, Larxene gave to me: twelve lightning bolts, eleven red roses, ten bottles of non-alcoholic cider, nine sitar picks, eight Christmas kisses, seven rawhide bones, six nerdy glasses, five bear hugs, four iced teas, three baked pies, two purple guns, and a glowstick in a derpy tree!" Roxas was singing out with all his non-existent heart. He was actually enjoying this screwed up Christmas carol.<p>

"Sounds good to me, when do I shoot you?" Larxene asked.

"Christmas Day. When we give them EVERYTHING they've listed." Marluxia smiled, evilly.

* * *

><p>Demyx and Roxas and others were preparing for the big finish. Everyone was pitching in this time—hoo...ray?<p>

"On the Thirteenth day of Christmas, Roxas gave to me..." Demyx introduced his friend.

"Thirteen Keyblades!"

"Twelve lightning bolts." Larxene grumbled.

"Eleven red roses." Marluxia was practically spitting the words out.

"Ten bottles of rum!" Luxord said. Demyx looked at him.

"Dude, it's ten bottles of non-alcoholic cider." he said.

"Where's the fun of that?"

"CONTINUE!" Xemnas screamed.

"Nine sitar picks!" Demyx shouted.

"Eight Christmas kisses." Axel added.

"...seven rawhide bones. I HATE YOU ALL." Saix was about to Berserk again.

"...Six nerdy glasses. ONE crack, and I'll kill you all." Zexion warned them.

"...five bear hugs." Lexaeus could hardly be heard.

"Four...iced...teas." Vexen was so mad he was turning red.

"Three baked pies even though I really don't bake." Xaldin said his line monotonously.

"Two purple guns. And I'll love shooting you with them." Xigbar put in.

They all looked expectantly at Xemnas.

He stepped forward, cleared his throat, and said, "And a glow stick in a derpy tree."

They all pitched in on the repeat.

"And a glo-oo-w stick in a derpy—"

"And a glo-oo-w stick in a derpy treeeee-EEEE!"

Xemnas dropped his hand and turned to the group.

"We are never singing that degrading song ever again!"

Then he turned and shook a fist at the ceiling.

"And you, Azariosiza, I will get my revenge on you for making me sing that horrid song!"

* * *

><p><strong>Oh blah, blah, blah. I can still dock your pay. Oh wait. The chapter's over. O-o YES I'm fine from my attack :D bye, see you next Chapter!<strong>


	4. Merry Christmas, Nobodies

**I finally updated! And half of this was done already, and I just finished it tonight. So around the middle, it gets really serious. Don't ask about it, okay? **

**-Az.**

* * *

><p>"Xigbar, are those lights hung up yet?" Xemnas asked his very annoyed insubordinate.<p>

"It's not like shooting a target, dude, I don't even know how to do this! Does this piece go here? Or—or here?" Xigbar asked, holding up a wire.

Wait that's not a wire.

"XIGBAR, THAT'S A SNAKE!" Xemnas shouted. He turned tail and ran.

"What? OWCH!" Xigbar screamed and dropped the very p*ssed off snake, letting it slither away.

"VEX! VEX! HELP! HELP!" Xigbar shrieked. He ran, or rather—fell, down the 13 flights of stairs to the basement—another flight of stairs, to Vexen's lab/clinic/freakish-research-facility (he forgot he could use portals.)

"Xigbar? Did...did you fall all the way downstairs?" the surprised scientist asked.

"Nah, just from the top floor outside Xem's room..." Xigbar said.

"That...would mean all of the stairs, Xigbar, what's wrong?" Vexen said, not immediately concerned. Xigbar fell off of things all the time.

"I hate Christmas." was the first answer.

"Mhmm, and?"

"Oh yeah—a snake bit me."

"WHAT?"

Immediately, Vexen set to work examining the bite, determining the exact amount of poison that was injected into the Freeshooter's bloodstream, and...yada, yada, yada.

* * *

><p>"...Was that a real snake, or was it rubber?" Roxas asked his friend as the two wandered away from Xemnas' office.<p>

"It was rubber. Or...was it real? No, it was rubber, I'm sure. Of course...it COULD have been real..." Demyx answered, racking his brains to remember.

"It was either real or rubber, Demyx, pick one." Roxas groaned.

"It was rubber."

"You sure?"

"Uhh..."

"Poor Xigbar..."

* * *

><p>Xaldin and Lexaeus were putting the final touches on the chimney. Xaldin stood back as his burly partner fit the last stone into the fireplace and they stood back, admiring their work. For a couple of Nobodies, they really knew how to fix up a fireplace!<p>

"Good work, you two." a voice from the doorway said. Xaldin and Lexaeus turned around to see Marluxia standing in the doorway, a decent-sized Christmas tree behind him.

"Now help me set up the tree." the Assassin said. Complying, Lexaeus walked towards him and hefted the tree onto his shoulder, following the gardener as he swept towards the fireplace.

"How did you manage to grow one so quickly?" Xaldin asked him as Lexaeus set the tree down right next to the chimney.

"I didn't. I visited a little yard called 'Christmas Town Trees' and I bought one." Marluxia said, a rare smile flicking across his features. "Normally, I would never have condoned using another's plant...but I suppose, in a way, this is a special occasion."

"I suppose it is." Xaldin nodded. "I have an idea. I'll go get the tree ornaments while you two round up the others. We'll decorate the tree as an Organization."

Marluxia and Lexaeus nodded.

"Good idea." Marluxia said before disappearing into a corridor. Lexaeus nodded his goodbye and left as well, leaving Xaldin to take his own corridor.

* * *

><p>Saix and Luxord were putting up the last of the tinsel when Lexaeus found them. Silver garlands wreathed around the white hallways of the Castle, adding a festive cheer to the normally gloomy place.<p>

"Yes, Number—I mean...Lexaeus, what do you need?" Saix asked.

"We're decorating the tree." the Silent Hero said.

"Fantastic!" Luxord said as he took a portal to the living room.

"I will be there in a moment." Saix said before turning around to fix something with the tinsel. Lexaeus stared at his turned back for a second before leaving to find the others.

Alone, Saix tugged the last of the tinsel into place and looked at his work. A little uneven in some places...but the holidays didn't have to be perfect.

With a sigh, the Diviner turned and disappeared to the living room, to help with the tree decorations.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later found all thirteen Nobodies of the Castle standing around in the living room, with festive tunes playing in the background. Someone had brought cookies, punch, eggnog, and other sweets out and set it up on the coffee table, where everyone could reach them.<p>

Laughter rang through the room as the Organization picked out different decorations and hung them from the tree, and the beautiful centerpiece was near done.

"Hey guys! Look what I got for everyone!" Demyx called as he walked into the room, carrying a box of ornaments with him. Curious, his compadres gathered around to see what the Nocturne had brought.

"Demyx, what're these?" Roxas asked as he looked inside the box.

"Well..." the musician said, shuffling his feet, "I wanted to say thanks to everyone for helping out with making a Christmas here. I wasn't sure you'd be with it, think I was just being a stupid kid, but...the Castle looks great, and it is Christmas Eve, so...here. Thanks everyone."

He reached into the box and pulled out thirteen tree ornaments, all specifically designed to match someone in the Organization. There was a Nobody symbol for Xemnas; a skull and cross-guns symbol for Xigbar; an eagle for Xaldin; a snowflake for Vexen; a Sword in the Stone for Lexaeus; a stack of books for Zexion; a Kingdom Hearts moon for Saix; a pizza for Axel; a musical note for Demyx; an Ace of Spades for Luxord; a sakura blossom for Marluxia; a lightning bolt for Larxene; and an Oblivion Keyblade for Roxas.

Everyone took their decorations and admired them, wondering where in the worlds Demyx had gotten some of them. An Oblivion Key? A Nobody symbol? A Kingdom Hearts moon?

It was then that they noticed the spotty paintwork and the chipped clay underneath them, and the unevenness of the baked clay in some places. They were all homemade.

"Demyx...did you make these?" Axel asked, turning his Pizza over. He was surprised to find his numeral, VIII, engraved into the back. Likewise for everyone else's.

"Uh-huh." Demyx nodded, "I bought some clay and paint at a craft store and I baked them all in the oven. I hope you guys like them."

Roxas smiled and gave his friend a big one-armed hug.

"They're awesome. Thanks, Demyx!" he said. Everyone else was too stunned to do anything.

"Come on!" Roxas went on, "Let's hang these!"

"And even though you nearly killed me with a snake bite," Xigbar chuckled as he helped hang Demyx's decoration next to his, "you sure know how to make a Nobody's holiday great, Dem."

"I thought you were completely insane when you suggested this, Demyx." Vexen said as he hung his snowflake, "But I must say...this wasn't AS bad as I had imagined it would be."

"In other words, this is awesome." Axel nodded as he patted Roxas on the back and the two looked up at their pizza and key, hung side by side.

"Merry first Christmas, Rox." the Flurry said to his little friend.

"Merry Christmas, Axel." Roxas said. "Merry Christmas to everyone, especially Demyx."

"You know what, Roxas..." Luxord sighed as he sat down on the couch, "I think this is everyone's first as well."

No one needed to ask him what he meant.

* * *

><p><strong>I guess even Nobodies can have a pleasant Christmas.<strong>

**I hope yours is great as well. :3 Merry Christmas!**


End file.
